<![CDATA[Buzznet: All Media by djryro]]> http://djryro.buzznet.com/user/ en-us 8 <![CDATA[Ashes to Ashes. We All Fall Down. Chapter Eight. The End.]]> http://djryro.buzznet.com/user/journal/177261/ashes-ashes-we-all-fall/ In Dedication To Kristina. Thanks For The Picture Honey.

 

Ashes to Ashes, We All Fall Down (8/8)
Author: Don’t know.
Pairing: Frank/Gerard
POV: Third, Frank-centered.
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I don’t own Frank and Gerard. They own me.
Summary: AU. Frank is 16, Gerard 21. I suck on summaries, you see.
Author notes: It’s divided in three parts.
First act it's We've Got Innocence For Days.

This contains abuse and self harming, and sex.

Chapter Eight

The storm raged outside the house. The sound of the rain hitting the roof was as loud as the blowing wind. Yet, in the bathroom, the silence remained and drifted between the two, and broken only by the single droplet that fell from the closed faucet into the calm, steady water in the tub. Despite the fact that there were no lights, the steam rising from the hot water could be seen in the air.
Frank was lying in the tub, fully dressed, while Gerard was clad in boxers, hunched over Frank and hugging him as the hot water covered them both.

“Ask me,” Gerard spoke, placing his chin on Frank’s shoulder, and looking to his eyes in the dark. His voice echoed in the bathroom.

“Ask about what?” Frank looked back at him and caressed his hair.

“Whatever you want to know, I’ll answer. I know you don’t ask about a lot of things because you don’t want to bother me—and I really appreciate it— but you treat me like I’m a bomb in a suitcase,” he laughed a little and rested his head on Frank’s shoulder again, “And maybe I deserve it.”

“It’s not about me asking, babe.”

“Babe?”

“I know, I’m sorry,” Frank apologized, realizing he had used the nickname he had given him as his lover, “I’m just used to saying it.”

“It’s okay. It’s just that…we’re not okay—yet.”

That single phrase made Frank’s heart beat faster. There was a chance for them. Gerard was different, but somehow they’d make it. He wasn’t going to let Gerard leave his house without him knowing something.

“I don’t particularly enjoy not talking to you. I never did. But you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You still are the best thing that happens to me. Telling you all that stuff and more, I didn’t want you tainted by my messed up life. I was scared that I’d break you...I don’t know how to explain”

Silence again, at least until Frank spoke.

“That was stupid, huh, both of us keeping things to ourselves to protect the other. We just ended up hurting each other.”

Gerard didn’t answer that, so after a long silence between them, Frank finally spoke again.

“We’d better get out of the tub. The water’s getting cold.” They stepped out of it and Frank reached for the towels. “Go to my room and pick some dry clothes from the closet. I’ll clean up in here and I’ll be with you in a few.”

“Okay.”

Frank started to strip himself, taking off his soaked clothes.
He heard Gerard crash into something on his way to Frank’s room, and it made him smile. Gerard knew Frank’s home, but he wasn’t as used to it as Frank and was unable to walk around in the dark.
Frank dried himself off and sat on the edge of the tub, his mind racing. Something was going on with Gerard. Would they end up together? He wanted to, but Gerard was, again, acting strangely.

He said he was sorry, that he couldn’t take it any longer, but still never asked him to be his boyfriend again, which was the first thing that Gerard should have done in that state. He should have held on to Frank, not letting him breathe, kissing all of his face, and asking to be together again.
Or maybe, Frank didn’t know him that well.

With his heart about to explode, Frank made his way to his room. He entered, unable to see a thing. The night was dark, there was no moonlight, and light could barely enter from outside since the electricity was off everywhere.

“Gerard?”

“I’m here.” Frank heard him sit on the bed. He went to his closet, picked out some clothes and put them on, leaving the towel that was covering him at the chair in front of his desk, and— he didn’t know what else to do.

“Why don’t you get in bed?”

“I want to talk.”

“So do I, but let’s talk in bed. I’m starting to freeze,” Frank declared honestly.

“Are you sure? I don’t think—”

“Gerard, we have slept in bed together a million times. I’m not sleeping on the couch, and neither are you. We won’t do anything; we’ll just talk, and then sleep.”

Was Gerard afraid of Frank taking advantage of him? Frank had to admit that he was fighting against the impulse of jumping his ‘ex’ boyfriend, and kissing and seducing him.

They slept in Frank’s room only when Gerard had dinner there, but they never had sex under Linda’s roof, in spite of her encouraging them to do so. They preferred Gerard’s place since it was more intimate. But he loved to sleep with Gerard in his bed. It was a single bed, unlike Gerard’s. So they were touching the entire night, one way or the other, close to each other, and of course, sleeping in that bed the night after with Gerard’s scent lingering, was wonderful.

Frank heard Gerard turn and followed. They were so close, and Frank wondered if Gerard was feeling the same as him. If his heart and mind were in shock, if he was nervous.

They both got under the blankets, facing each other. Frank could feel Gerard’s face near his, but the darkness didn’t let him see.

“Okay, talk,” Frank ordered gently. He held both his hands to his chest. He wanted to touch Gerard, to touch his face, to caress his wet hair but he knew it was not the time.

Gerard cleared his throat, and begun:

“You know— I had a horrible week, and I know that it was my fault. I suffered a lot, Frank. Everyday, I tried to distract myself so I didn’t do anything harmful to myself, my paintings… I wanted to come here to ask you to forgive me. You don’t deserve that.”

Frank’s eyes were glassy and threatening to overflow with tears, he thanked God it was dark and that Gerard couldn’t see him.

“I don’t deserve what, babe?” Despite his attempts at holding back, he let go of one of his hands and started caressing Gerard’s wet hair.

He breathed hard as he felt the sensation of Frank’s touch, but didn’t say anything about it. He continued talking.

“You deserve someone better than me. Frank— I’ve been thinking a lot. I’ve been trying not to let my emotions make me act in a way that I don’t want to. That’s how I’ve always been. Angry, sad, depressed, hateful… we both know I’m too emotional. For the first time, I could do that, Frank, I could think clearly.”

Frank was growing nervous listening to the speech. Gerard was speaking quietly, as though he were sad. It scared Frank. They were supposed to end up together, right? It was the reason why he’d come in the middle of a storm at 2 o’clock in the morning. What was the purpose of it if they weren’t meant to be?

“And what did you think about?” Frank gathered his courage to ask.

“I wanted to know—if you can—if you’ll forgive me, not for breaking up with you, but for all the bad things you went through because of my troubles.”

“You have nothing to apologize for. I love you, and I’ve been with you because I wanted to, not because you forced me. You want me to forgive you for that? You don’t want us to be together?” Frank asked, trying to keep his voice steady, without cracking and revealing his emotions.

“I do. You are everything I could ever want, Frank. But I’m not what you need.”

“Gerard-”

“No, let me finish. I’m a mess of person, and I know that. You don’t deserve that, you’re too good for me. But I can’t help being selfish and wanting you for me.”

Frank bit his lower lip, as his hand now started caressing Gerard’s face.

“Frank-”

“What? I’m just touching you, that’s all.”

“I’m trying to be serious.”

“I’m serious too.” He answered, trying to come off as honest. He was melting with every one of Gerard’s words. He was listening carefully, and he had a lot to say too, but he wanted to know what Gerard had in his twisted head.

“I want to start all over, Frank. I want to be the person you deserve. I want to change and I’ll do it for you if you give me the chance.”

“But I don’t want you to change,” Frank said, coyly, “I fell in love with the Gerard you are. What if you change and I don’t like you the way you turn out. It’s stupid, Gerard.”

“What I am hurts you.”

“No, Gerard. What hurts me is seeing you hurt, or you hurting yourself. You don’t have to be another person to be better. You have to try to resolve the things that hurt you, so you can live peacefully, and I’d love to be there to help you.”

Gerard grew silent.

“I’m not rational, Frank; I’m too emotional, that’s not right.”

Frank laughed at that.

“It’s what I love the most about you!” And he brought their bodies closer, pressing his forehead to Gerard’s. “There’s nothing bad about that. It’s beautiful, you’re beautiful, babe. And you’re right, I don’t deserve you. You are too good for me. But I’m selfish as well, and I want you for me, and only me. I won’t let you go, no matter how hard you try to leave me, and I won’t let you stop being yourself. You don’t get it Gerard, you can’t see all the good things you are. You’re such a beautiful person, and if you can’t see all that— have you heard that saying ‘if you don’t love yourself then you can’t love anyone else?’”

“But I do love you,” Gerard stated.

“But you suffer, because you don’t believe that I love you. You need to stop suffering, honey. Nothing is troubling you but yourself. Everything is okay, babe.”

And he placed a soft kiss against Gerard’s lips and he could feel him crying.

“Your parents are not here. Andre is not here. You are not crazy, you went through a hell of a lot of bad things, but you are not alone anymore and if you say that you love me, let me love you and make you happy. Give me, the chance of giving you better days and in order for me to do that, you have to let yourself be happy.”

Gerard burst into tears. “It’s too damn hard!”

“I know, I know… but you’ll see. Everything is going to be fine. I promise you, just trust me.”

And their lips met once more, but in a deep and desperate kiss, and Frank took his chance to lie atop Gerard.

They kissed desperately for minutes, until Frank started to take off Gerard’s sweatshirt.

“Frank, we should wait—”

“No, I don’t want to, and you don’t want to either.”

“You’re damn right,” Gerard growled as he took off his sweatshirt himself. “We never did it here.”

“Don’t worry. Mom won’t be back till tomorrow.”

They slept together, passionately making up the days that they didn’t even see each other, all the separation, desperation and fear that had accumulated beginning to diminish now that they were together, ready to face whatever would come.


*

As Frank liked, they were constantly touching on his bed, and making love there had been just as great. It wasn’t make-up sex. It was as though they hadn’t fought at all. Frank was on his side facing the wall, and Gerard was behind him, hugging him. The warmth of their naked bodies was comfortable. Frank wanted to be like that forever.

“May I ask?”

“About what?” Gerard asked.

“You said I could ask whatever I wanted. You said you would answer. May I?”

“Sure, sweetie,” Gerard replied, placing a kiss to his cheek.

“Why him?” He asked, growing serious, as thunder roared outside their window. The rain had gradually grown softer and the sound was barely audible, but the thunder could still be heard.

Gerard took a deep breath. He held himself closer to Frank, trying to be as cool as he could before he started speaking.

“At school I was the weird guy and nobody liked me that much. Then this man just suddenly appeared with this…enchanting voice. He liked me just as much as he liked this other boy, but I had talent. I had all my paintings, so he worked harder to get to me. He was a friend of my art professor, and one day, he came to see our work. He liked mine the best. I was too depressed to realize why he was so intent on getting me. My grandmother had just passed away, and I was living all alone for the first time, taking care of myself while being quite young. I missed the only person who truly loved me. His compliments made me feel good. It wasn’t all bad. At the beginning I was like a little girl in love. He’d come home to flirt with me, I’d do the same with him and I was happy. Me—a creep—had all the attention of this very fine man. It was all nice, until we started having sex. That was when our secret meetings started to make me nervous.”

“Why didn’t you leave him?”

“Because I couldn’t, he became my world. According to him, nobody understood me as well as he did, and nobody would love me but him. I was too complicated. And I believed him.”

“You still believe some of that…”

“I guess. At first it was all fine, but after a few months the relationship tormented me, whether I was with him or not. He stole my work, and I was so depressed that I didn’t care, but once I found him at my place with another guy. He blamed me for being fucked up, and for acting strangely those last few months. I don’t know what it was that convinced me to try to kill myself. I don’t know if it was the thought of losing him—the only thing I thought I had—or to put an end to that relationship that made me so sad.”

When he had finished, Frank didn’t know what to say. To break the ice, he changed the subject.

“You talked about your grandmother in the magazine.”

“Yeah- My parents sent me to live with her when I was ten, because I burned our house down.” Said his.. boyfriend? “For I burned my house down, you see..” He added.

“Yeah, I know. Mikey told me.”

“Okay then.” Gerard answered coolly “She was the black sheep of the family. She was in love with this man who worked in a music store. She always talked about how shiny the instruments were and how well all the pianos were tuned. He taught her to play. Her family wasn’t very rich, and they wanted to marry her with my grandfather. She got married, but she never stopped her relationship with Sebastian— that was his name—and the family hated her for it. He was sent to war and was killed. She mourned him ever since. His other lover left her the shop that she continued running against the family’s will until she got old and tired and sold it. She left the money to Mikey and me. More of it went to me than Mikey since she had the feeling that my parents weren’t going to leave me anything. She sang me the lullaby I sang you once, remember?”

“Not the lyrics… but,” Frank’s voice filled the silence along with the rain and storm, humming the song.

“That’s the one,” Gerard laughed, “I was very happy with her…she died when I was fifteen. We lived in poverty…my grandfather’s revenge. He didn’t leave her any money, giving it all to my father instead. My father wasn’t fond of her either, so we were all living off what Sebastian had left. She encouraged me to paint and my first painting was of a black dress…one off her many black dresses.”
I didn’t tell my parents she had died since they would bury her in the family’s plot at the cemetery. I made the arrangements to have her buried by Sebastian. I was alone at her funeral.”

“That’s very sad. I was shocked when I read that she died when you turned fifteen. I thought you were older when she passed away, all that time you spent being alone— how did you get the money? You weren’t even eighteen…”

“She had cancer. At the hospital she met a mother who had a sick child and she was poor and could not pay for his treatment. My grandmother offered to pay it, if she could leave the money to her so I could take it from her account once she had died.”

“That was very risky…”

“It was… but she saved her son, and honestly, she never touched a cent of the money she left us, once the treatment for her son was paid for. She was a good woman. She is, I think.”

“But you’re getting richer now, so now that Sebastian’s money is running out you’ll be okay…”

Gerard laughed. It seemed to be alright for him to talk about her. He seemed to love her a lot.

“Yeah.”

Frank held him tightly and asked.

“We are okay, right?” He just had to know.

“We will be.” Gerard pressed his lips against Frank’s. “And you will be there to make me happy.”







An Epilogue will be posted soon.

 

]]> Buzznet djryro 2007-05-08T03:17:00Z http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-thumb.gif http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-synd.gif http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-mob.gif http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-gallery.gif http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-large.gif http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-feat.gif 24 0 <![CDATA[Ashes to Ashes. We All Fall Down. Chapter Seven.]]> http://djryro.buzznet.com/user/journal/162811/ashes-ashes-we-all-fall/ Chapter Seven

Title: Ashes to Ashes, We All Fall Down (7/8)
Author: Don’t know.
Pairing: Frank/Gerard
POV: Third, Frank-centered.
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I don’t own Frank and Gerard. They own me.
Summary: AU. Frank is 16, Gerard 21. I suck on summaries, you see.
Author notes: It’s divided in three parts.
First act it's We've Got Innocence For Days.

Second, Everybody Burns the House Right Down.
Warnings: This contains abuse and self harming, and sex.


 





Chapter Seven

“Frank, honey… I’m going to work. There’s some food in the fridge but please, EAT this time,” Linda said, sitting on Frank’s bed caressing her son’s hair, who was laying face down on it.

A week had passed since Gerard decided to break up with him. A week had passed, and he hadn’t gotten up from bed. He skipped school the whole week with the Linda’s permission. She understood her son’s anguish and felt for him. If he was too miserable to go downstairs for dinner, he most definitely wasn’t going to go to school and study.
Mikey visited almost every day on his way to Gerard’s place. When Linda and Mikey were given the news, they feared the worst. Gerard couldn’t live without Frank, but Frank spoke clearly in spite of his crying.

“He broke up with me!”

Neither of them was fine with it. Linda called Gerard daily, just to check on him and Mikey visited as often as he could. They couldn’t be separated, and Gerard’s past was not the best and they feared he would hurt himself. In spite of his anger and sadness about Gerard leaving him, he needed to ask.

“Is he alive?” he asked every day. That single question, he didn’t want to know anything more or it would be unbearable. If Gerard was fine or as devastated as him, if he missed him or not…any extra detail would make him feel worst.
But Frank knew Gerard the way Mikey and Linda knew he wasn’t emotionally stable and a danger to himself.
Frank had stopped crying his heart out two days ago. Now he was angry at Gerard, but still, he cared for him. He was in love with him, and even if he had left him, he needed to know that Gerard was, at least, alive.
Frank knew his mother phoned him before going to work, so he asked everyday before she left.

“Yes, he is.” Linda told him as she reached the door, looking sadly at her son. Frank nodded. “I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”

“Okay,” Frank answered softly.

“Love you.”

“Love you too.”

After his mother closed the door Frank turned off the lights. The memories of the fight were always in his head. Why couldn’t he remember something nice about them? They had such marvelous times, and still, that fight was in his mind since that day.
This was all wrong. He hated Gerard for leaving him. He loved him for not wanting to hurt him any longer, but he hated him more and more for leaving without trying to resolve anything.

He gave up on himself so quickly and pushed Frank aside suddenly. Frank felt sorry for him, for being unable to see the beautiful person he was, the beautiful person he was in love with, no matter how hard his past has been.
Frank questioned himself repeatedly. Wasn’t it his fault as well? Maybe Gerard couldn’t receive his love.


*


“Frank… Frank…”

Frank woke up drowsily of what he though it was a dream about Gerard. Everything was very dark and a violent storm could be heard from outside.

“Gerard?” he was sleepy and confused. It wasn’t a dream. Gerard was in his room.
He looked the clock alarm was off. “It’s…”

“Electricity is off…the whole neighborhood. There’s a power outage,” Gerard spoke quietly.

He looked for his cell phone to check the time. “Its 2 o’clock in the morning. Are you crazy? What are you doing here? Leave now.” Frank said, placing his head back on his pillow. His heart was about to explode but Gerard decided to keep away from him, and Frank reminded himself that he was mad at him. He cried all week because of him.

“I’m really sorry…”

Frank took a deep breath and spoke again irritably, not moving, fighting against the impulse of crying or running to him to kiss him or hit him. “Gerard, it’s ok. Leave.”

“No…I know you will never forgive me, but...”

With that, Frank grew angry and sat up in bed ready to start a fight, but as he looked, lightning lit up the room and he saw Gerard standing with his back against the door, totally soaked, and looking at the floor.

“Gee?” he asked worried, getting up, “Gee what did you do? Oh God…” he ran towards him to check on him. “My God, are you hurt?!” Frank was touching everywhere and he was all wet and cold.

But Gerard kept talking and apologizing as if Frank’s words were inaudible.

“Gerard, stop it!” he said suddenly as he held his face with both hands, making him stop talking, “You’re freezing!” he took Gerard’s hand and pulled him along towards the bathroom, where Frank opened both faucets and let the bathtub fill with warm water.

“Are you hurt?!” he asked again, and started to undress Gerard.

“I’m dying,” Gerard answered, trembling violently, “I can’t take it anymore.” And he burst in tears, kneeling down and holding himself to Frank. Frank didn’t know what to do. When he woke up in the morning, he didn’t think that at the end of the day Gerard would be with him, at least physically, and even worst, in the state he had found him in.

]]> Buzznet djryro 2007-04-25T01:17:00Z http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-thumb.gif http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-synd.gif http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-mob.gif http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-gallery.gif http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-large.gif http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-feat.gif 24 0 <![CDATA[Ashes to Ashes. We All Fall Down. Chapter Six.]]> http://djryro.buzznet.com/user/journal/162152/ashes-ashes-we-all-fall/ Chapter Six

Title: Ashes to Ashes, We All Fall Down (6/8)
Author: Don’t know.
Pairing: Frank/Gerard
POV: Third, Frank-centered.
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I don’t own Frank and Gerard. They own me.
Summary: AU. Frank is 16, Gerard 21. I suck on summaries, you see.
Author notes: It’s divided in three parts.
First act it's We've Got Innocence For Days.

Second, Everybody Burns the House Right Down.

Warnings: This contains abuse and self harming, and sex.


 

 

 





Chapter Six

Frank could barely sleep. He woke up at midnight and decided to go to Gerard’s place. He couldn’t stand being mad at him. On the other hand, he knew that they wouldn’t resolve anything. Being angry at Gerard, however, was killing him. He took his car. The rain had stopped but he heard on the radio that big storms were on their way..

Gerard was seated on the couch in the dark when Frank entered.

“Frank?”

Frank closed the door and hurried to him. He could see that Gerard didn’t understand a thing but it didn’t matter. He was preparing himself to speak but Frank silenced with a kiss. As he put his hand on Gerard’s cheek and felt the wet tears, he knew he had been crying a lot. His lips tasted like blood again. It wasn’t something abnormal. Gerard usually didn’t get nervous when Frank was around, but in during the past few days Gerard’s habit got worst and he nipped the skin off his lips. Frank kissed him to comfort him, tasting the blood again.

Frank’s emotions changed drastically with those kisses. It reminded him of their first kiss—a sad kiss. A kiss that was followed by a series of unfortunate events, but it was still their first.

“I’m so…so-,” Gerard stammered, but Frank cut him off with another kiss and without breaking it, he started leading Gerard to his room. Gerard, however, was still trying to pry himself away.

“Frank, I-.”

“Shh, it’s okay,” Frank said striping off his clothes, “it doesn’t matter.”


*

The sky was gray when Frank woke up. He was alone in bed but Bubbles was at his feet. Drowsily he searched for his boyfriend until he realized he was alone in the room. Frank touched the other side of the bed and found it cold, so Gerard must have gotten up much earlier.

Since the house was quiet, Frank got up and dressed going to the bathroom to see if everything was fine. For seconds, he feared the worst, but the bathroom was empty. He brushed his teeth and found his boyfriend at the kitchen table, drinking coffee.

“Babe,” a yawn interrupted him, “I was worried. The bed is cold without you.” As he reached his boyfriend he kissed his cheek and sat in front of him. Gerard was too still. Something was wrong. The magazine was on the table, and it seemed that Gerard had been taking a look at it.

“Couldn’t sleep,” Gerard said, closing the magazine. “You know, I’ve been thinking,” he started, refusing to look Frank in the eyes. “When I gave away all those things about me, I thought about what your reaction would when you read them. I’m too complicated and fucked up to be with...”

“Drop it, okay? I knew some of it. Mikey told me and I’m still with you. You are not fucked up. Fucked up things just happen to you,” Frank said, grabbing a mug of coffee. He could see a quarrel coming, but he remained quiet and collected.

“I didn’t mean…”

“Babe, I’m not mad. If I was, I wouldn’t have come here last night.”

“It doesn’t make it better.”

Frank let the mug of coffee he was drinking slam on the table loudly.

“And you tell me that?!” He was getting mad now.

“Because I know how it is! Something is hurting you and you just try to make it go away, but it just remains bottled up and eats at you until you can’t take it anymore. I don’t care about getting hurt, but I don’t want you to suffer. We have to solve this somehow.”

“You want to talk?” Frank asked, controlling his anger. Gerard was feeding the fire. “Let’s talk then. I am hurt. I’m very hurt, and you are right, having sex with you didn’t make this feeling go away.”

“I don’t care if it hurts me. I can’t let you go through this.”

Gerard was calm. He barely moved when he talked and it scared Frank, yet he could not control himself as much as he wanted to. He could feel a bad omen was closing in on them and for this he tried to prepare himself. They owed themselves a fight. They never fought; it was something that Frank wasn’t used to doing with Gerard. Their relationship was almost perfect, Frank thought, if only Gerard would just include him in his problems. He didn’t want Frank helping or supporting him.

“No! You’re getting things wrong Gerard! You know what I felt? Mikey told me that you shared all of these things to spite your parents. The few things I know about you are because of him. I feel like… you hate your parents enough to share the most intimate details of your life, but you don’t love me enough to trust me and do the same with me.”

“It’s not like that. I love you enough to die for you.”

“You’d rather die than speak to me?! You spoke about Andre with someone you never saw in your life and you never told me about him. Even when he is in the air, you don’t tell me anything. What about your parents, why did I learn about them from a magazine instead of from you?!”

His face was now flushed and his voice an octave higher, and while Gerard remained silent, he calmed himself down and kept going:

“I want to know you, babe. I know how to treat you…. And I can’t be sure if the things you tell me you are fine with are true. This is harming both of us.”

“You want to leave me, don’t you?”

“No! I don’t! I’m in love with you for Christ’s sake! That’s what I’m talking about! You live with the constant fear that I’m going to leave you any time soon and I don’t know what to do to make you believe that I do love you.”

Much to Frank’s surprise, Gerard wasn’t shaken by his statement. It was worst than he expected. He had been defeated. Gerard took the magazine with him on the cover, and looked at it for a few seconds.

“If you don’t want to leave me, then I’ll leave you.”

“What?” He must have heard wrong.

“We should break up.”

]]> Buzznet djryro 2007-04-24T00:56:00Z http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-thumb.gif http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-synd.gif http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-mob.gif http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-gallery.gif http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-large.gif http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-feat.gif 18 0 <![CDATA[Ashes to Ashes. We All Fall Down. Chapter Five.]]> http://djryro.buzznet.com/user/journal/158940/ashes-ashes-we-all-fall/ Chapter Five

Title: Ashes to Ashes, We All Fall Down (5/8)
Author: Don’t know.
Pairing: Frank/Gerard
POV: Third, Frank-centered.
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I don’t own Frank and Gerard. They own me.
Summary: AU. Frank is 16, Gerard 21. I suck on summaries, you see.
Author notes: It’s divided in three parts.
First act it's We've Got Innocence For Days.

Second, Everybody Burns the House Right Down.

Warnings: This contains abuse and self harming, and sex.


 

 

 





Chapter Five

The first one to arrive home was Mikey. Frank was upset, and he showed him the yellow box with all the intimate facts.

“Wow…he’s getting his revenge,” Mikey said after reading the article. “He’s hitting them where it hurts. This is clearly a message for my parents, for the dinner. This magazine is going to be sold; my parents have already gossiped to their posh and plastic friends that their son was going to be in the cover. He’s revealing, some of the… darkest things about them!”

“How awful was that dinner?” Frank asked.

“Didn’t he tell you?”

“No. He never tells me a fucking thing.” He sat next to Mikey, landing heavily in his chair.

“My father started saying,” and he copied his voice, “‘your mother told me about your new…boyfriend. I thought you had learned your lesson.’ And that was just the beginning. When my father compared him to Andre, molesting a minor it was the last straw for me, so I grabbed Gerard and pulled him out of there.”

Frank felt dizzy, but he was still mad at Gerard, so he asked to know more about the dinner.

“Well it was short. It was like his life with them has been—short. They were arguing with him, but he never argued back. They have a famous son now. That’s the deal. They are very rich and they are in a rich environment. Suddenly a Way comes out in some magazines, all their friends must be asking about it and I assume they don’t know what to say. But it’s good for their image, having a famous son related with the arts, it’s all very snobbish.”

*

The dinner was odd. Frank was clearly upset, and everyone noticed. He was giving short answers, never looking at Gerard. Mikey and Linda did their best to have a good time altogether but Frank never gave up his behavior and clearly Gerard was beginning to notice it. Once they finished dinner and doing the dishes, Linda had to go to work and Mikey offered her a ride. They both knew they had something to talk about.

When they were left alone, they were silent.

“Want me to take you home?” Frank asked in dry tone “It’s beginning to rain.”

“No. I want to know what’s wrong with you.”

“Nothing is wrong with me.”

“Is it because of the magazine?”

“Yeah, it’s because of that fucking magazine,” Frank said angrily. “It fucking upsets me that you’re talking about yourself!” He said, and while saying it threw the magazine at his lover. It hit him on the chest, and fell to the floor.
“You are telling EVERYBODY—on less than a piece of paper—things that took me months to know about you, and some others that I’m discovering now. While all the stupid people who read this fucking magazine know!! How the fuck do you think it makes me feel? Then you ask what the hell is wrong with me?! Fuck you, Gerard!!”

And with that, he climbed up the stairs, marching up with noisy steps. He got himself into his room and closed the door loudly. He threw himself on his bed, and started crying, but he preferred to sleep.
He’d deal with it all later.

 

 

 

 

--- Alright so the reason why everything on my page is gone is because my Mother made me take it all down. When this part of the slash fic is over, there is no more. And I will be deleting all my friends. Which I have already. I am sorry for all this. You can still send me messages. But I can't send you one, unless you send me one first. Best wishes. ---

]]> Buzznet djryro 2007-04-18T23:52:48Z http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-thumb.gif http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-synd.gif http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-mob.gif http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-gallery.gif http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-large.gif http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-feat.gif 18 0 <![CDATA[Ashes to Ashes. We All Fall Down. Chapter Four.]]> http://djryro.buzznet.com/user/journal/157038/ashes-ashes-we-all-fall/ Chapter Four

Title: Ashes to Ashes, We All Fall Down (4/?)
Author: Don’t know.
Pairing: Frank/Gerard
POV: Third, Frank-centered.
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I don’t own Frank and Gerard. They own me.
Summary: AU. Frank is 16, Gerard 21. I suck on summaries, you see.
Author notes: It’s divided in three parts.
First act it's We've Got Innocence For Days.

Second, Everybody Burns the House Right Down.

Warnings: This contains abuse and self harming, and sex.

 

 

 



Chapter Four

Frank was at the grocery store with his mother when the magazine came out. Gerard was on the cover looking very good. The pictures were taken on an abandoned bridge, at the edge of the town.

“Oh my god, it came out!!” Linda yelled at Frank who wasn’t paying attention. He ran to his mother and asked her to buy it.

They quickly left the store with one of them, and Linda who wasn’t driving started to look over the pages, looking at the pictures and reading some parts. She cleared her throat and read:

I: “Gerard, Gee…What do people call you? What does your boyfriend call you?”
G: “He calls me ‘babe’.”

“Aw! You two are so cute! Look at this picture! I’m so proud my son is banging this hottie!”

“Mom!” It was hard for Frank to drive when he just wanted to get home and read the interview. His mother wasn’t helping either.

“Ohh, he bangs you? Or both…”

“Shut up! I’m not going to talk about this with you!”

“Honey, I’m your mother and I can read your expressions.”

“He really said that about me?” He asked emotionally.

“Yeah, here, then it’s mostly about his art,” Linda said sadly, reading over it quickly, and then looking at the pictures.

“Well, it’s supposed to be, it’s an interview about his art!”

“But I want the gossip! He looks so good… who…nothing.” She cut herself off.

“What?”

“Nothing, nothing,” she said suspiciously.

“Tell me now!”

“About the banging.”

“Oh, dear lord.”

“But I’m not talking about bed matters, it’s…general. Who’s the woman?”

“What? We’re both men, as you can see.” He said, trying to convince her, yet he grew thoughtful. He never thought about it and actually he didn’t believe it was a rule. “I wouldn’t tell. I could say him, because he’s prettier and more fragile, and I could say me, because I’m younger and shorter.”

Linda laughed a lot. “Well, I guess there’s not always a woman. But how do you do it in bed?”

“Mom!”

“I was kidding!” and she looked out the window. “I already know, who do you think gave Gee that tip about tying you to the bed?”


*

Frank locked himself in his room. It was the moment everyone was expecting since it was going to be something big in Gerard’s career. Ever since the interview some weeks ago, they were all very anxious about it. Now, he wanted to be alone, in silence to enjoy what his boyfriend had to say. He lay in bed and before he could start his reading, Linda knocked the door.

“Honey, I hope you are not doing anything kinky with that magazine!”

“Mom!” He got up from bed, and went to open the door, half angry, “You know that you talking about sexuality with my boyfriend is going to leave me with serious issues!”

“I was kidding!”

“Yeah…you’ll be paying for my therapist. The thing about the tying up! Thank good we were stopped at a red light! What do you want? I just wanted to read it in peace.”

“Nothing son I just called Gerard and Mikey to come and have dinner tonight before I go to work. I hate night shifts.”

Gerard, Frank thought, he was so happy and he fell so in love that he wanted to call him right now, but he’ll do it after reading the interview.

“Well, luckily you just have two this week.”

“And I don’t want to think about what happens here when I’m not home at night…”

Frank just breathed heavily.

“You can’t even take a joke!” She kissed his cheek and said “They’ll be here by seven, alright? Now go on and read while I start the cooking.”

Frank went to bed again, lay down and started reading. Frank wasn’t very artistic, but he loved how Gerard expressed his art, in paintings and in words. While he was reading he was looking at the pictures too and his mother was right, he looked so good. He always looks good, he corrected himself mentally. On the last page, there was a yellow box that called his attention since all the pictures and the article itself were in black and white.

It said “Facts” and then:

. He’s openly homosexual
. He tried to kill himself twice—once with pills and the other by cutting his wrists.
. In both cases he was dead for a few seconds.
. At the age of 10, he intentionally burned down his parents’ house.
. Alone at the age of fifteen made the arrangements of the funeral of his grandmother.
. He hid her death from his family for six years.
. He has lived alone ever since.
. He has a very good relationship with his younger brother, Mikey who is 4 years younger.
. He had a sordid gay relationship with a man 25 years older than him who sold some of his paintings under his name.
. His favorite food are the cookies his boyfriend’s mother, Linda, makes.
. He claims to be very much in love, and in a stable relationship with his boyfriend, Frank, who he met at the psychiatric hospital—though he was not a patient— after his first attempted suicide.

This couldn’t be true, Frank thought. He re-read that box again and again and a tear ran down his cheek. Gerard couldn’t have done that to him.

]]> Buzznet djryro 2007-04-15T21:31:43Z http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-thumb.gif http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-synd.gif http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-mob.gif http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-gallery.gif http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-large.gif http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-feat.gif 25 0 <![CDATA[Ashes to Ashes, We All Fall Down. Chapter Three.]]> http://djryro.buzznet.com/user/journal/148304/ashes-ashes-we-all-fall/ Chapter Three

Title: Ashes to Ashes, We All Fall Down (3/?)
Author: Don’t know.
Pairing: Frank/Gerard
POV: Third, Frank-centered.
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I don’t own Frank and Gerard. They own me.
Summary: AU. Frank is 16, Gerard 21. I suck on summaries, you see.
Author notes: It’s divided in three parts.
First act it's We've Got Innocence For Days.

Second, Everybody Burns the House Right Down.

Warnings: This contains abuse and self harming, and sex.


 




Chapter Three

“You shouldn’t go, just stay here with me,” Frank said, worried but helping his boyfriend with the buttons of his black shirt.

“I already said I’d go,” Gerard answered lamely. Frank knew Gerard didn’t feel comfortable with the dinner thing at all. He didn’t understand why he accepted the invitation in first place. Was he also a masochist? Nothing good would come from that meeting; Frank was sure of that.

“I’ll take care of him,” Mikey intervened. He was seated in one of the tall kitchen stools, watching them, “Promise.”

As soon as Frank finished with the buttons, Gerard grabbed his coat and scarf. Mikey walked to the door with him and looked away when Frank and his brother kissed deeply.

“You don’t have to do that in front of me, you know.”

They both laughed.

“Bring him back to me in one piece, okay?” Frank said.

Frank decided to wait for Gerard at his apartment instead of going back to his home. He was feeling very distressed. He didn’t like the idea of Gerard’s parents being around him but perhaps he was being overly sensitive. Dealing with Gerard was difficult, even when you knew what to do with him. There were things you couldn’t mention without making him nervous— like his parents— and now he was going to be in front of them. Frank didn’t even want to think about dinner. Not knowing what to do, he was very troubled; he lay on Gerard’s bed until he fell asleep.

He woke up drowsily, feeling kisses on his neck.

“Babe?”

Gerard kissed his mouth “Yes?”

“Are you okay? How was the dinner?” Frank asked, trying to wake up fully.

“Let’s not talk about that.”

Frank could tell Gerard was not happy. He wanted to know what had happened but Gerard wouldn’t even let him speak; now kissing him deeply, and beginning to undress him.

“Babe, we can’t deal with everything by just having sex.”

“Why not? It’s like therapy for me,” he said undressing himself now, “you make the bad things go away.”

And Frank couldn’t speak anymore.

*

In spite of the hot sex they just had, Frank was still worried. He looked at the clock; it was only 9:30 pm. The dinner didn’t even last an hour. Obviously something went very wrong. Frank didn’t know if he should ask, but he was bothered.

“Babe, how was the dinner?” He asked as sweetly as he could.

Gerard frowned and said, “I…I don’t want talk about that.”

“I want to know how you’re feeling.”

“I’m feeling wonderful,” Gerard answered honestly, hugging him tightly and kissing him on the neck.

Frank was getting upset since this was going nowhere. He knew that if he asked any more questions, Gerard will go nervous, maybe he’d cry… Frank didn’t know, and he probably wouldn’t say anything anyways. At the same time, he felt that making love to him every time he was upset wasn’t a way to help Gerard. He did make him feel better, but things didn’t just go away as easily. Gerard was holding everything in and he’d probably explode if he didn’t get rid of it. Gerard always hid his troubles from Frank, and now Frank felt Gerard had his complicity. Gerard slept peacefully, but Frank didn’t sleep a wink.

 

 

]]> Buzznet djryro 2007-04-03T01:34:10Z http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-thumb.gif http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-synd.gif http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-mob.gif http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-gallery.gif http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-large.gif http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-feat.gif 25 0 <![CDATA[Ashes to Ashes, We All Fall Down. Chapter Two.]]> http://djryro.buzznet.com/user/journal/142828/ashes-ashes-we-all-fall/ Chapter Two

Title: Ashes to Ashes, We All Fall Down (2/?)
Author: Don’t know.
Pairing: Frank/Gerard
POV: Third, Frank-centered.
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I don’t own Frank and Gerard. They own me.
Summary: AU. Frank is 16, Gerard 21. I suck on summaries, you see.
Author notes: It’s divided in three parts.
First act it's We've Got Innocence For Days

Second act it’s Everybody Burns the House Right Down.
Warnings: This contains abuse and self harming, and sex.

 





Chapter Two

“Put me down!” Frank muttered, seeing that Gerard didn’t realize he was still holding up his boyfriend in front of his mother. “I better go to pick up my stuff,” Frank said and walked to Gerard’s room trying to avoid Gerard’s mother’s gaze.

Some seconds of awkward silence passed between them. What was she doing there? Everything was going perfect! Frank was so nervous that he was trembling, while he was putting his stuff in his bag, he could hear them speaking and he moved closer to the door to listen.

“That was,” his mother began.

“My very beautiful boyfriend,” Gerard said sharply.

“He seems to be a little young…”

“That’s because he is. What do you want?” Gerard was getting tired and nervous. The door was half open and he could see from where he stood that Gerard started touching his lips and face. The woman’s back was visible to him as well.

“Can’t a mother visit her son?”

“Well, I don’t know what other mothers do, but I haven’t seen you in eleven years, so don’t blame me for being curious.”

“I read something about you, honey, and I wanted to check up on you.”

“You can ask Mikey if you want to know, you know that. And don’t call me ‘honey’, please. It’s creepy.”

Frank took courage, and left the room. “I better get going and leave you two to talk alone.”


***************


Frank was in a park two blocks away from Gerard’s place. He didn’t know what to do. This was obviously something bad. He feared for Gerard, and he questioned his own decision of leaving him alone with his mother, but he knew he just couldn’t stay hidden in Gerard’s room. He called Mikey.

“Hey.”

“Your mother is with Gerard.” He hurried to say.

“What?”

“She just came, I don’t know why, and she’s at his place!” said in hurry.

“Oh god.”

“Do you know why?” Frank was desperate.

“They’ve been asking me about him and some of the things that appeared in the magazines about him and his paintings.”

“Fuck, everything was perfect. Don’t they know that? Why hasn’t she seen him in eleven years?”

“She just hasn’t. They sent him to live with our grandmother, I told you so. They don’t get along.”

“Yeah, but I guessed they had visited at least for Christmas!” Frank said, exasperated. But he remembered that they didn’t visit him, not even when he tried to kill himself. When they met at the hospital, Gerard was so unprotected and had been hurt with all of Andre’s doings. Frank knew that Gerard’s parents were a fragile subject in his life, but he never imagined that they had cut all relationship off with him since he was…ten? They pretended their son was dead when he was just a child?

“Well, they didn’t. Look, I’m driving. Call me when you know something more.”

“Yeah, if she leaves Gerard alive!” Frank answered angrily.

“I know.” Mikey said, pitifully.

He didn’t finish putting his cell phone back in his pocket when it rang. He looked at the screen: Gerard.

“Hey.”

“Where are you?” He sounded anxious.

“At the park…how are you-”

“Can you come here?”


*******


He didn’t even finish unlocking Gerard’s door, when it opened suddenly. Gerard pulled Frank by his clothes, brought him inside and closed the door behind them, pushing his boyfriend against the wall, and started kissing him hungrily. Frank didn’t understand a thing, he was worried and now this. He let himself be kissed despite his confusion, but seeing what plan Gerard had in mind, he returned the kiss.

Without breaking apart, Gerard led Frank to the living room while he started undoing the buttons of Frank’s shirt.

“Babe, what…,” Frank started, but Gerard silenced him with another deep kiss.

It worried Frank. He may have welcomed it tons of times—Gerard was very passionate and sexual—but this time was neither one nor the other. This was desperation and Gerard didn’t let him find out what had happened.
Seeing that by now, he wouldn’t get anything more from Gerard than sex, he tried to put his thoughts away and follow his boyfriend. Gerard was obviously very upset, and the last thing Frank wanted was his boyfriend to feel rejected too. They both lay on the big couch where they started to undress themselves.

*

A blanket was always on the couch. It found a permanent place there ever since Frank and Gerard were just friends, and Frank was an overnight guest. Some time had passed after their love-making and Gerard reached for the blanket to cover them both.
Frank didn’t know if he should start talking. Gerard was very quiet—after sex of course, since he was very loud during it—and after covering them, Gerard hugged Frank and rested his head on his chest and Frank started stroking his hair.

“Thank you,” Gerard broke the silence.

“What for?” Frank’s tone was flat. He was staring at the ceiling, still worried and trying to find a way to make Gerard talk without making him nervous.

“For making me feel better.”

“And how did you feel before?” Maybe he could get somewhere.

“It doesn’t matter.” No, he couldn’t.

“It matters to me.”

But Gerard preferred the silence. Frank took a deep breath and wallowed in the silence as well.

“What did your mother want?” Frank had to ask—he just had to.

Gerard sat, looking at Frank. Frank could see he was nervous, but at least he was going to look at him.

“She asked me to dinner with her, my father and Mikey.”

It took a few seconds for Frank to answer “What? You said ‘no’, didn’t you?” Frank asked hopefully, but Gerard looked away. “You never say ‘no’ to the things that hurt you,” continued Frank softly, more to himself than to Gerard.

“I couldn’t, ok? She insisted and I—”

“I’m not judging your decision, or you. I just wished you had said no. Nothing good will come of that dinner, and you know it.” It surprised Frank, how maturely he was dealing with it. It was the end of the world or close to it. He wasn’t screaming out or anything. He was just talking calmly, although it required a great amount effort from himself.

“I know,” Gerard said, as though he were a small child. “I don’t know what they want. I haven’t spoken to either of them or seen them in years and now, they suddenly want to see me… nothing seem to have changed”.

“Hey…come here,” Frank said, inviting Gerard in his embrace. They had started speaking. Frank was happy in spite of all the bad things. He was willing to continue the talk, there were a lot of things he wanted to talk about, but he felt a tear from Gerard land on his bare chest.

The talk was over.

 

]]> Buzznet djryro 2007-03-26T01:32:37Z http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-thumb.gif http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-synd.gif http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-mob.gif http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-gallery.gif http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-large.gif http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-feat.gif 30 0 <![CDATA[Ashes to Ashes, We All Fall Down. Chapter One.]]> http://djryro.buzznet.com/user/journal/141101/ashes-ashes-we-all-fall/ Chapter One

Title: Ashes to Ashes, We All Fall Down (1/?)
Author: Don’t know.
Pairing: Frank/Gerard
POV: Third, Frank-centered.
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I don’t own Frank and Gerard. They own me.
Summary: AU. Frank is 16, Gerard 21. I suck on summaries, you see.
Author notes: It’s divided in three parts.
First act it's We've Got Innocence For Days
Second act it’s Everybody Burns the House Right Down.
Warnings: This contains abuse and self harming, and sex.



Chapter One
Gerard was doing well with his paintings. An art gallery had agreed to give him some exposure and exhibit his work. Some other galleries were asking for his paintings, offering him exposure as well. He had sold some of them for good money and the announcements of his art exhibits were even appearing briefly in some local magazines. He was going to be on the cover of a magazine, interviewed by a newspaper’s art section soon. Now, he was waiting for the answer from a gallery in New York, where he had sent a portfolio with his work.

There was a knock on the apartment door. “Did Gerard forget his keys?” Frank thought. He approached it, opening it slowly.

“Hi,” an elderly blonde woman greeted him.

“Hello,” Frank answered, bewildered and puzzled.

“I was told Gerard Way lives here. The superintendent let me in. I hope that’s alright.”

“Yeah, he lives here,” Frank replied.

“May I see him?”

“He went to the grocery store, but he’ll be returning soon. Would you like to wait for him?”

“Yes, thank you.”

Frank stepped aside, letting the woman in, she looked around inquisitively, slightly interested in the apartment as she was walked to the living room. Frank offered her a seat on the couch and she thanked him, apprehensive. She appeared to be a very uptight, high-class person, even her clothes looked expensive. He felt awkward around her, so he didn’t try to make conversation or anything, he just sat at the bar table, waiting for Gerard to come.

Some minutes later, he heard the jingling of keys outside of the door. Frank walked to the door so he could tell him about the visitor that made him that uncomfortable, but Gerard entered as if the wind was taking him, left the bags on the floor, totally rushed and exited.

“They wrote back!! They’re going to give me an art show!”

Frank didn’t have time to stop him. Gerard ran towards Frank holding him up, making the legs of the younger man wrap around his waist.

“Gerard!” Frank growled through his teeth, trying to break free from his boyfriend’s grasp, “You have a visitor!”

“What?” Gerard asked, still smiling and not paying attention to him, still delivering small, playful kisses all over his face.

“Hello, Gerard,” The woman greeted him, now standing in front of them. Gerard’s smile faltered as soon as he heard her voice and turned to face her.

“Mother…what are you doing here?”

]]> Buzznet djryro 2007-03-23T16:17:46Z http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-thumb.gif http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-synd.gif http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-mob.gif http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-gallery.gif http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-large.gif http://dyncdn.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-feat.gif 31 0